My plans

It's weird to write first blog post. I'm just really not used to it!
It will be quick but I need to put that in here so I won't forget.

I want to kind of reorganize my life. I've had a pretty bad mindset for the past two weeks, had my ups and downs like a sine function. I was stuck at home, spending most of my time alone and loneliness is not good for anyone. I like to be alone, but I hate feeling lonely. But there's always a sunshine after the storm, right? That is why I decided to change something. The loneliness is not caused by lack of human beings in my life but rather my inner self. I've been already in one healing process (since the beggining of the year) but I'll talk about it in another post. Now it's finally time to take my life back. I cannot exist in constant loop of stagnation forever.

For the last few days I was writing down some ideas, plans, dreams of mine. I even made small lists but they are not finished yet. I want to introduce new habits in life and learn how to balance it.

My main goal now is to find a job (it's also a long story for another post), pass the driving test (and take some extra driving course hours beforehand), go out at least once in a week because as far as I've noticed socializing is good for mental health and start a new project - a game, more precisely.
That's not all, but these are just few things I wanted to share for now.

And the most important change - be myself finally. Maybe I am not a people pleaser but I do in fact live for other people. I lost my identity long time ago and hence the ability to make decisions for my own. I got used to asking my relatives for their opion about everything. This really has to end. I need to feel free, be myself, do whatever I want to, sometimes make mistakes, sometimes make great decisions. But mine. Mine decisions. I was told who am I suppose to be since the very early age. I'm not that person, not anymore. I'm me and I will remain.. me. Who is 'me', you may ask. I don't know yet, but I will, soon.

I almost forgot. I also plan to change this website a lot in the upcoming months! I really enjoy having this little space on the web. Feels cozy~

,,I created this website for me, basically. I've felt like I'm losing my identity and needed a space to hide in. But actually I don't want to hide anymore. The purpose of it was to create an environment where I could express myself however I want to. But in meantime I forgot about it. I deeply feel the urge to create things I will be proud of and things that are 'acceptable' so I could feed my ego by showing it off to everybody. This is the curse of perfectionism. Why am I afraid to show my true self? This is me.'' Just a reminder